Call me when you’re sober.

ANGER. Anger makes you slow. Anger makes you heavy. It clouds judgment. It makes mistakes. But anger controlled is strength; a wounded friend to carry, a desert to cross. Commandos don't waste anger. They channel it.

Call me when you’re ready to grow up. Because I’m done playing games and what if. I’m not the back up plan. I’m done being angry.

You hurt me and I forgive you because of a promise I made to another. I always let you come back.

That’s ended. I have nothing to prove to you but you have plenty to prove to me. That’s where we stand. That’s why you have never been offered the fucking ring. That’s why you likely never will be.

You know the saddest fucking part? You need me to be angry at you. I function better as a person in you’re absense when I’m angry and hate you.

Looking for peace and wishing for a change only leads to depression and apathy. I get things done when I want to to be the destroyer of worlds and the water of souls.

We need to be enemies and hate each other. It makes our lives better.

At least then I won’t delude myself to not think that every word out of you’re drunken mouth isn’t a bullshit lie.

You claim to love someone but your actions speak volumes differently. This is why I don’t trust you. This is why we aren’t together.

This is why I’m the back up plan.

Something I’m not and never will be.

I am becoming numb And apathetic to all you’re behaviour again.

Next will come anger, and any forgiveness will start to erode. You destroyed my life all ever was try to make yours better or in the absence of that stay away and leave you alone.

But I’m not even worthy of that so continue you’re love affair with the bottle and I’ll fade away agian.

Maybe in a few years it will be different.

I honestly fucking doubt it.

This has never been about money. It’s always been about behaviour. It’s always been about you’re choices. And it’s why I choose to walk away.

I am hurting on a physical level and I need you. But I’d never give you that satisfaction of knowing that. I’ll suffer in silence Instead.

The fact that I am both in physical and emotional pain this week is not lost on me. You made a choice 20 years ago not me.

I’ve just had to live with the results.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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