Skip to main content

Days of Future Past III



I don’t live in yesterday and dwell in memory’s. I live here and now. I do what is important to me now and only what is important to me now. I held off on living to do the right thing for so very long that now I am making choices for me. And while some may fall by the wayside because of those choices that’s the way it has always fucking been. I live. I move on. You either stand beside me or you don’t. No fucks given. I count a field of those that have been left behind. And I still don’t care.


People make their choices. I react accordingly. When you come back to me begging for my attention and to be part of my life. That’s an illusion. I judge actions. Not pretty words.


Nothing in my life has ever changed because of some pretty fucking words. It’s always been actions that moved the chess pieces. 


I’m not the one jealous of anyone else’s life. The pendulum swings for everyone different. But my fate is only defined by myself. That’s the only way it’s ever going to be.


I don’t look back, except once. And that door can be closed and open at my leisure.  I live by my actions, my words, my choices. The difference is I say that something will happen it happens. Then, now, forever. I am uncompromising in my beliefs and the person I am and suddenly this big river of everything that was wrong about me doesn’t seem to be the wide of a gap for you anymore.


Probably because I’m everything I ever said I am, I haven’t changed. I just spent a moment trying to care about someone other than myself and it woke Sleeping Beauty out of her war torn slumber.


I have never been the biggest problem in your life and I’ve always lived by my own code and morals. Once before you loved and respected that, I think you still do. You’re just trying to rationalize all the damage you’ve done to all three of our lives. And if fixing us means further damage to the innocent one, then I agree with you. It’s not needed.


I have no problem with whatever we are now however. Being civil is the safest moment for both of our mental healths. It’s easier just to ignore you when I’m not wanted than it is to be angry. I’ve been done fighting with you for a very long time. 


I don’t look back. Even when some of the days we were at war looked thru the nostalgia filter might be the good old days, they are also a reminder of what could have been and the years we’ve lost. 


But that’s not on me, that’s on you.


Current Mood: nostalgic

Current Music: Blind Guardian, The Bards Song.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...