Days of Future Past III

I don’t live in yesterday and dwell in memory’s. I live here and now. I do what is important to me now and only what is important to me now. I held off on living to do the right thing for so very long that now I am making choices for me. And while some may fall by the wayside because of those choices that’s the way it has always fucking been. I live. I move on. You either stand beside me or you don’t. No fucks given. I count a field of those that have been left behind. And I still don’t care.

People make their choices. I react accordingly. When you come back to me begging for my attention and to be part of my life. That’s an illusion. I judge actions. Not pretty words.

Nothing in my life has ever changed because of some pretty fucking words. It’s always been actions that moved the chess pieces.

I’m not the one jealous of anyone else’s life. The pendulum swings for everyone different. But my fate is only defined by myself. That’s the only way it’s ever going to be.

I don’t look back, except once. And that door can be closed and open at my leisure. I live by my actions, my words, my choices. The difference is I say that something will happen it happens. Then, now, forever. I am uncompromising in my beliefs and the person I am and suddenly this big river of everything that was wrong about me doesn’t seem to be the wide of a gap for you anymore.

Probably because I’m everything I ever said I am, I haven’t changed. I just spent a moment trying to care about someone other than myself and it woke Sleeping Beauty out of her war torn slumber.

I have never been the biggest problem in your life and I’ve always lived by my own code and morals. Once before you loved and respected that, I think you still do. You’re just trying to rationalize all the damage you’ve done to all three of our lives. And if fixing us means further damage to the innocent one, then I agree with you. It’s not needed.

I have no problem with whatever we are now however. Being civil is the safest moment for both of our mental healths. It’s easier just to ignore you when I’m not wanted than it is to be angry. I’ve been done fighting with you for a very long time.

I don’t look back. Even when some of the days we were at war looked thru the nostalgia filter might be the good old days, they are also a reminder of what could have been and the years we’ve lost.

But that’s not on me, that’s on you.

Current Mood: nostalgic

Current Music: Blind Guardian, The Bards Song.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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