Skip to main content

Cold.



At the end of the day I know exactly where I stand. And who and what I should chose to care about. I’m functional and I take care of those I need to and those that don’t even deserve for me to have that level of emotion in my life. I’m not going to go out of my way to do them any favours or sacrifice everything in my life however. This last little while has been telling as to who I really need to pay the attention to. Silence speaks volumes as does manipulation to do things you have no intention to follow thru on. I won’t tolerate it from my former partner, no fucking way do I tolerate it from friends. 


When things become a pattern I start to disassociate, I disappear. I went silent with no way to contact me for years for someone I unfortunately have to care about whether or not she is fucking breathing for my own mental health.  Complete radio silence. I said goodbye. And then she gave me a reason to truly walk away, I should have. There is no fucking fathomable reason that I’m going to tolerate doing epic things with or for freindship when the return is less. At least with her I have hope. But right now, and it’s more than one person I have done epic shit with in the past, I’m judging you and you’re being found disappointing. 


My loyalty to anyone only lasts so long. And if I feel like I’m being used or worse. Just be glad I’m not Angry anymore. The vindictive streak is gone. I’m at peace. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t know how to be that cold ruthless motherfucker anymore. He’s still buried deep within. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...
Post a Comment
Read more