Cowgirl in the Sand.

Baby my life doesn't reach to you

And if you want love so

Unconditional and real

You gotta ride that black horse baby

Through the depths of hell that I've been

Follow me away yeah

I will be the same

Strongest one to name

I don’t sweat you anymore… the simple fact I can walk by all of our homes and feel nothing anymore but nostalgic for a life that never really was, I can live with that. I appreciate that we are civil enough to exchange pleasantries but the reality is I’m not part of your life and you’re not a part of mine. That’s the status quo and there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m not falling down the rabbit hole with no resolution Alice.

But the fact I could offer coffee today is a consideration, I am glad I asked you. Our story isn’t over yet. However we both have other priorities and all I have left to give you is my word. But you have to fix you first same as I had to for myself before we fix each other. You’re not there yet. Maybe one day. But I don’t need you hurting and broken. Some things I can fix some I can’t. History will just repeat. You need to love yourself first before you can love me. I know there is love and affection but right now you just need to know I’ll be there.

That’s where I’m standing. You know what’s next. But you have too meet me there not halfway and not with half truths.

It’s unconditional, but I remeber everything. That’s my curse. Forgiven will never mean completely Forgotten. As much as I love you and as much as I want to love you and have the little bit of what’s left as a family. We aren’t there yet. And just like Courtney said, my life doesn’t reach to you. Just my heart. You’ll always have that.

You are my family. It doesn’t matter where we stand between us. We will always be that. You gave me my child. I and no other man will always be his father even in your eyes. I’ll be here when wanted or needed. But that tie will never go away and you have acknowledged that. I’m just still trying to make us whole, but I need you whole First. I love you always. Unconditional. I’ll be here. Always.

My life doesn’t reach to you tho. As much as i want it to to. Black Horse time Baby. Real soon.

Happy Easter.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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