The Story Ain't Over.

I may love you, that may even be a constant that will never change. But i dont have a problem walking away for my own self respect, mental health and peace. I don't think our story will ever really end. But i refuse to play delusional fairy tale games as well.

I like that our moment isn't completely done but we are no longer tied to promises. I know you don't like being in control and you ain't ready that is understood. But i need more than a one day maybe.

There is love, there will always be love. That doesn't change. Our story hasn't ended it's just a diffrent set of rules. You surprised me. I was expecting the end game. I am happy that you are in my life and that its open ended.

We will see what tommorow brings. We need to discuss the next option. But maybe its better that we take time and nor jump into anything.

You have been back in my life for six fucking years coming and going. Nothing ever gets resolved. We were only together for just under four. Not even if you count the breaks. I am done living in your illusion. At least at this point I know that I owe you nothing and everything. The story might not be done. But I also know I can walk away or move on forever with no guilt. I tried for longer than most men would even consider. But it can be done. It might be better for both of us if it is but emotions still prevail, for some strange reason you still want me in your life...

But a man can't live on fucking bread crumbs.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

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