Angels and Demons

it's been a wonderufully stressful few days, there are days when all i want to do is just relax and let the world pass me by... but of course i have to work.. it is a good thing i have my particular mindset with my job as the last twenty four hours have been trying with my carreer and has led to some serious depression and questioning of the next move in terms of my carrer. I defintly love my job and what i am doing there but i have had to break one of the most sacred of oaths that i promised myself more often than i would have liked to have done so. obviously i see reasons for this and i have a better understanding of their and my own behaviors as a child but still it is something that i deal with inner anger towards myself for letting it escalate to that position and depression and survivors guilt, the world is a fucking awful place and i have to remind myself that there are good parents and people that care to balance out the fuckups that don't know how to parent society's kids. all these little guys need is someone to be there and someone to care and understand them and I am doing that, I just need to remind myself of this point sometimes as it is sometimes hard to see the angels and demons and understand the how and why. I have the training, i have resorces to deal with when i get frustrated and i Love my job. it's just one of those things that i have to get used to so i don't burn out or end up with damage to my mental health, i will figure it out. i wanted it and i have it... i'm not going anywhere.

We're all born upon the cross
The throw before the toss
You can release yourself
But the only way is down
We'll know for the first time
If we're evil or divine

Current Mood: Happy, Little man in 4 hours

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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