Only the weak succumb to brutality

I have absolutely No idea what the next step is. i have been on the best footing of my life and very grounded for the last little while and then agents of choas start breaking that all down. i start missing places and people that should be little more than mist in the rear veiw mirror but i desperatley want to be around them agian,m y life is complicated but it's a good kind of complicated. granted i should have likely done the barbarian thing many moons ago and done or been whatever is expected but that's not me, i'd rather wait.. and wait.. and be patient.. and also confused. I can be the feirce warrior if that's whats needed but i am trying to figure things out in my own mind about everything right now, so many intangibles and factors that i am wondering where tommorow leads... i'm used to being alone and keeping people at an arms distance, it's a defense mechanism, and when one decides to invade that space violently and won't let go i am unsure how to handle it. i'm used to being the wrecking ball always being the one being in someone elses space positively or negatively. right now i just want to take a step back and look around. figuring everything out is easy, it just takes time.

I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away

Current Mood: regretful.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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