Shattered Dreams.

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

I am really starting to question my role at work. either i'm not doing enough or I am doing too much... i am started to wonder when the dream and all the hope i had for my career turned into a mere survival skill...i mean i keep my mouth shut when things are done that question my ethics and i wonder if I am doing the right thing myself when I do what I am told.. it is obvious that this place is just a start point a jumping off point for something better somewhere down the line... i care about these kids and i want to see them do well but i am starting to get bogged down by bullshit office politics and the nonsense that seems to surrorund two seperate feifdoms... the fact that i had to struggle for shifts all summer doesn't help my outlook much either.. i don't think i'm going to fix the system anymore.. but i was hoping to make a diffrence in some kids lives.. right now i don't feel thats happeneing because of the enviorment i am working in... i do not feel supported by my staff at all... esp. when i am training first years who get better fucking hours than i do.

Current Mood: disapointed.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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