Skip to main content

Snake Eater


I don't know what to believe in anymore... i am getting increasingly frustrated with the nonsense at work and the political bullshit and the back biting... i should have my paycheque in hand today and it's nonexistent... fucking ridiculous.. at least theres another option later this week at the downtown Y? i dunno.. too many things to be pissed at currently... fucking ex and her nonsense... the fact i can't afford to give little man a decent Xmas without stretching my budget and wallet to the limit... what the fuck is with employment when i was able to do a better Christmas for my child on welfare living in Thorold than being employed in Hamilton.... i should not have to be selling possessions like my Ps2/x box's etc just to survive and have nice things for him and his birthday.... yes i don't play with them as much anymore and little man has his Wii... but whatever i shouldn't be buying his birthday present with money from that? then again it's not like i can see my little man when i want to either.. seeing how she's again decided that I'm a nonexistence part of his life... what the fuck? if i have the weekend off and my next scheduled weekend im working you can't even be bothered to pick up the fucking phone and have an intelligent discourse with me? what the hell? and i was once in love with this woman and had a child with her? i don't know where 2010 is taking me but i'm hoping there are some changes agian... i need consistency in my life not nonsense and i am sick of just hanging on for dear life...

Current mood: Depressed.

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more