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Self Esteem


Why the fuck do i allow my emotions and my feelings and judgement to be clouded by someone who obviulsy only wants to pull my fucking strings and have me like a little puppet on her strings, I see your subtle little fucking messages in everything you say and do.. don't think that When i see you playing nice for the moment that I'm not expecting an eventual Knife in the fucking back.. I know it's coming.... a 4am message about being loved/ not being loved? not a hint in the slightest is it... I'm not the one who has lived half my life yet.. you'll be 36 in 20 days, i'm not even looking at that number for 2 years.... At least when I look back my glory days are now and not ten years ago.. and I did things on my own terms and on my own way without any woman to define me, And I know that I define you... that little person we share in love makes sure of that, you and I both know anyone else you are with is a pale imatiaion of what you really want... 5 years later you are finally coming around, and as it turns out I'm the one that's not interested... I made my own life and my own freinds... what the fuck do need you for? because you're looking back and seeing the best years of your life have passed you bye? and everyone of those years included me... you know you can't do any better so you extend the olve branch so you can be loved after tearing my heart to shreds repeatly? what the hell do you think I am stupid? of course you do... i could never measure up to your expectaions, and now that I do.. it's almost enough for you... But here's a fact... I want better for my life and My son and an eventual partner than you now... i need better.. we owe that child stabilty and it's likely he will only get it from one parent... and that parent isn't you. I'll love you till the day I die, but it's doesn't mean i have to like you or entertian the idea of returning to you.

Current Mood: Confused.
Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice.

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