The End Approaches...

The time for sitting patiently and waiting for things to fix themselves is over.. it's now time to be on the offensive and to create a situation where victory is the only inevitable answer... there is nothing other than that left in terms of what's left of my life and the fact that I have stayed the course and not lost faith, of course there are people within and without my life who I do not need hanging on... and If i could see clearly back then I would erase or leave people forgotten that do not need to be in my life.... why in times of crisis am I the sane one when everyone around me is breaking down, Do these people not realize i'm the one completely shattered inside? But of course like the everlasting rock I am, i'm still when i'm needed.. even if it means one shoves the knife in and fucking out over and over.. when one walked away i should have stayed walking away.. for Christ sakes i was 300 miles away, it should have been an end.. now it is....I miss Windsor terribly and the worst part of that is I know i did this to myself by choosing to return to poison. that's ok.. the battle is almost at an end.

Current Mood: Determined.
Every story has an ending ... I will write yours.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

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