The End Approaches...

The time for sitting patiently and waiting for things to fix themselves is over.. it's now time to be on the offensive and to create a situation where victory is the only inevitable answer... there is nothing other than that left in terms of what's left of my life and the fact that I have stayed the course and not lost faith, of course there are people within and without my life who I do not need hanging on... and If i could see clearly back then I would erase or leave people forgotten that do not need to be in my life.... why in times of crisis am I the sane one when everyone around me is breaking down, Do these people not realize i'm the one completely shattered inside? But of course like the everlasting rock I am, i'm still when i'm needed.. even if it means one shoves the knife in and fucking out over and over.. when one walked away i should have stayed walking away.. for Christ sakes i was 300 miles away, it should have been an end.. now it is....I miss Windsor terribly and the worst part of that is I know i did this to myself by choosing to return to poison. that's ok.. the battle is almost at an end.

Current Mood: Determined.
Every story has an ending ... I will write yours.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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