Little Victories.

it's not the biggest victory in the world but it is a minor victory that will lead to bigger and better things, and it shows that when i can put my mind to something i can accomplish it and sitting around surround by my apathy and depression are not always the best ways to deal with things, face i'm an asshole and I'm a fighter, I'd rather tackle something head on and fight and not really give a fuck what other people think of me, at this point of my life i have nothing to prove to anyone.. it's time to do what's right and to be the most viscous person in the world when it comes to accomplishing my goals... It's sad that i didn't sleep a lot last night because i was thinking about things and where i stood in this world, I fought for everything i have ever had, i fought to be in my program for college, i fought to stay in the program and get good grades and i had to fight to get to university and to find a good fucking job. I've had an ongoing battle since 2004 with one who has wounded me more than humanly possible and it's a never ending battle, but it is one I can never let her win.. If she defeats me she takes everything and I am so much without her than i ever was with her... she is not the person that defines my life, that little person is.. and as long as i have that until he becomes of age to make decisions for himself i have to the one looking out for his best interests because it's obvious she isn't....I have no problem being a solider, i always have been... this is war... and it's a war of attrition, one little victory on one day will lead to larger victory's on the battlefield, as long as i keep in mind who is most important i will eventually be fine.

Current Mood: Determined.
Rather he consoled himself with the fact that, in the real world, when he looked closely into the darkness he might find the presence of a light, damaged and bruised, but a little light all the same.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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