Skip to main content

Dried Up, Tied and Dead to the World

I slowly coming to realization that some of the people in my life are extremely negative and poisonous to my soul and it doesn't matter that a long time ago they were Once positive supports, at this point in my life with all the Chaos that constantly envelops it and all the battles i have to constantly fight, it's time for these bad influences in my fucking life to me no more, Friday was a huge example of this, I dislike when i go out of my way to do something for someone that i know we will both enjoy, when someone is so miserable at the fucking world that he ruins some of the moment by complaining and bitching, I could never be that miserable at the world, and I fucking hate my life right now... Of course I know that my demons and my hell in this world are not of my own making, and if it was not for one factor and one factor alone, my son, i would be In Windsor and i would not be alone, my life would have taken a different path, the fact that people around me are constantly returning to paths i long ago rejected and any further association with them just drags me down to a dark level, I have my own fucking reasons to be dark and angry and stand aside from the normal world, But i am not going to be a martyr for anyone else causes, no one was there to catch me when I fell, why the hell should I be there for people who constantly fuck me over and then go right back to the same behaviors they have always said they would not return to... I would rather be alone than to crawl back to anyone, I would rather be starving than to eat the fruit of a poisonous tree, there is only so much you can do in this world without realizing that some people you can't save, the difference being, for a long time, most of my life in fact, i have willing walked alongside the abyss, knowing that at anytime i could fall in, and like a lover the abyss will embrace me and I will finally be at peace, i will finally be at home... It's better to have a black soul than no soul at all.... and i will never sacrifice my beliefs, my ethics or my character to be someone else.... and i'm sick of seeing other's that can't accept that in my life and in their own, we all make our choices, Are you strong enough to stand by yours if they end up being the wrong ones?

Current Mood: Angry, Hungry.
When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harms we do, we do to ourselves.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more