Skip to main content

No More Yesterdays.

There comes a time in your life when you start seeing things clearly and relaize that people that aren't their for you are merely an emotional drain on yourself and your resources and if they only come around when something is needed or to take advantage it's time to cut them loose..One of my biggest problems right now is i have far too many fucking people that are poison in my life andf having them as part of my life is no longer a viable option, it's people like these that should have been cut loose and left behind a long time ago... I Know the kind of person i am and why i keep having friendships and relationships with these emotionally damaged people, because i am emotionally damaged myself, But when push comes to shove, I had five great years in Windsor where i reinvented myself and my personality and the person they know isn't him and isn't me... I grew up a lot out there, and it's not surprising that aside from my most staunch supporters at my former employment people I call my closest friends and the people that I know if I ever needed anything are in Windsor, At this point I am wondering why I left.... It's only ever been about my son that I left my home in Windsor, and there are days i wonder if i should just go back there and leave everything here, but i can't do that because i can't scorch the earth of my presence here yet, I have a battle to fight and a battle to win, there's no time for looking back and no TIME FOR REGRETS.. it's just time to get shit done..... I can't think about what could have been, because staying in Windsor would have made me a deadbeat dad, and that's not something i will ever be.. no matter the fucking cost... but i am starting to get to the point of the reasons i was in Windsor and the fact that the best part of my life was when i had no ties to Toronto/Hamilton and Niagara, maybe it's time to go back to that mentality and fuck all of the people that I have evolved away from.

Current Mood: Depressed.
I’ve felt your wrath…now you’re gonna feel mine.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...