Skip to main content

The Boy that you loved is the Man that you fear....

I Have absolutely nothing to fear because tomorow the gears of war start churning and things in this fucking world start changing, but knowing that you are directly lying and contradicting yourself is just fine with me, we all get to hell in our own way, but when you are digging your own hole trying to damn me to purgatory the only person you are hurting is someone completely innocent and one day if not already he will resent you for it, You can strip me bare i have nothing to hide, you know me heart and soul and you are using what's left of my heart to destroy my soul, but you know what... that little person is better than both of us and that's the only thing worth fighting for, and if this is the path you choose, you'll lose... i'll win... or i'll never start fighting, but the fact is that you are afraid, but i don't think it is of me... I think you are afraid of the game you have been playing, I hope that you fear me, but i don't think you do.... I think this is just another way for you to eliminate me from his life, and in that case there is no fucking way i would ever fear you, and i won't and i cannot. please feel feel free to be afraid of me tho, I welcome it... but there is no reason that child should ever have had a reason to fear me except for your manipulations.... and soon i will prove that that is all that they are.

Current Mood:Determined.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner
eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more