The Boy that you loved is the Man that you fear....

I Have absolutely nothing to fear because tomorow the gears of war start churning and things in this fucking world start changing, but knowing that you are directly lying and contradicting yourself is just fine with me, we all get to hell in our own way, but when you are digging your own hole trying to damn me to purgatory the only person you are hurting is someone completely innocent and one day if not already he will resent you for it, You can strip me bare i have nothing to hide, you know me heart and soul and you are using what's left of my heart to destroy my soul, but you know what... that little person is better than both of us and that's the only thing worth fighting for, and if this is the path you choose, you'll lose... i'll win... or i'll never start fighting, but the fact is that you are afraid, but i don't think it is of me... I think you are afraid of the game you have been playing, I hope that you fear me, but i don't think you do.... I think this is just another way for you to eliminate me from his life, and in that case there is no fucking way i would ever fear you, and i won't and i cannot. please feel feel free to be afraid of me tho, I welcome it... but there is no reason that child should ever have had a reason to fear me except for your manipulations.... and soon i will prove that that is all that they are.

Current Mood:Determined.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner
eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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