The Better Half of my Nature....

Once in a while someone comes around and reminds me why I should not be looking back on my friends and relationships in Windsor with rose colored glasses, I have to remind myself that sometimes people need to deal with their own bullshit and circumstances in life and allowing them to crash for a day or two or trying to give them helping hand is just enabling them, and worse it just enabling them to walk all over me... I have had enough of being walked on by she who should be named... but i am to the point in my life where there is a very fucking good reason i am a fucking asshole and it's probably better for me to be alone and miserable and enjoy the fact that i have solitude rather than have fairweather friends around who only come crawling around when they need a fucking handout due to their own decisions, I'm not the guy i was in Windsor, so fucking what, if that makes me a bigger asshole so be it.. I never planned in this life to be the nice guy... I have my own shit to deal with, I can't sit around taking care of others and dealing with their fucking headgames and nonsense, there is only time for one person and her mental chess game to be played.. i am honestly thinking about exiling a lot of people from my life, I know who my true friends are, and at this point the more i lose voluntarily the better... because some of these people are the worst kinds of friends.... but i'd rather have the people i can trust around me than the people i can trust to put a knife in my back when i'm not looking... sorry if that makes me an asshole.

Current Mood: Annoyed.
When you look at the dark side, careful you must be ... for the dark side looks back.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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