From the Ashes II: The Dark Phoenix

My life may be coming apart, But it is clear to me after other's actions yesterday that I am not alone in that, and that the way you behave towards people may have an everlasting effect upon everyone around you... I hope I am never that miserable and never see the world as somewhere where it has to be a certain way.. i get it.. the world is crumbling around and you are struggling for some semblance of order... but the truth is you don't treat friends and family trying to help you in that way, I can't and won't take sides... even tho this whole thing is resulting in me losing my home and security of the last three years toooo.. this was my home as well... but a little respect goes a long way for a reason And i don't like being treated like dogshit... I can be an asshole too but out of respect I was not... Things are clearer now and I am less angry about the situation even tho I am still as torn up about the situation, but I know how to deal with adversity and changes constantly coming at me in my life like Bullet's rapid fire... i can deal I have defense mechanisms and safety shields in place to protect me and my child...this is why I am not the most trustful person and It is hard to let anyone in to become a friend... I am too used to too often being betrayed.. this is why Windsor is currently a serious consideration... I have peace there... I have people other than family that have my back..not bound by blood but by friendship.. I have options and I would rather examine all of them than get miserable in my situation and just let that dark energy consume me.

Current Mood: Not Amused.
Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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