In My Darkest Hour

What the Hell? I needed you a while back and you didn't bother, but suddenly you initiate contact and I'm supposed to care or give a damn.. you could have made a fucking difference when it meant something... but Now i don't know... this battle is so damn hard.. and make no fucking mistake as with everything in my life I am doing it alone with no fucking distraction from the fairer sex.... I'm just as messed up as you are.. but you know what I deal with it... i'm hurting so much right now.. more than you will ever know... you're presense here complicates things in my mind... I have to hold you at bay.. right now I can't afford emotional attachments or to be looking one or many steps behind... it's about who i am right now.. it's about being Who I am.. and always have been, It's about standing stall for who and what I believe in.... I can't look back.. and I won't... Even when I want to... At one's ultimate challenge and crucible you find out the Iron that they are made of.... and when one didn't answer the call then, why Should I ask you to be a part of me now? you made a choice, you like everyone else in my entire adult Life... walked away.... i'm not walking away from the one thing that matter's i'm making a stand I'm fighting... I've already endured the fire and flames of my darkest hour... No one was there.... Now it's time to find some fucking available light...

Current Mood: Hurting.
But a true champion, face to face with his darkest hour, will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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