Amityville: The Return II

Let's establish a few things right now in terms of my fucking life.. I am responsible for only one other person In my life and it seems like am being drained away by concerns that are not mine and distracted by them, I need to analyze my options and start making plans to move forward.. if someone is crying the blues and can't find any kind of stability in her life and that conversely affects my life I am seriously considering moving on, there has been way to much bullshit in the last year to consider anything otherwise, because of her actions i was essitantly homeless last winter for December and at this fucking point i am debating whether or not i want to allow myself to be stuck in the predicament again... I care about the people around me but i have to look out for myself and my interests first, As i said Other than me, there is only One person I am responsible for... and at this point i have to do a long hard look in the mirror and at my surroundings and decide what the best course of action for me is...i can only deal with so much bullshit and putting other little people at risk because of poor decisions isn't part of the plan, neither is affecting my situation by the same brush of paint.. I am going to win, I won't be dragged down into someone Else's personal hell... it's bad enough i am affected by it.. I need stability in my life Not chaos, I am regretting at the current moment making the return to Windsor... where i would have been safe and secure and surrounded by friends... the battle would have been harder and the opportunities of the last year would not have become anything... but i would have been comfortable.. and happy. I'm not A Martyr For someone Else's bad Decisions, Only my Own. I take full responsibility for those.

Current Mood: Angst, Anger, Depression.
Life isn't stable. Stability is unnatural. The only stable society is the police state. You can have a free society or you can have a stable society. You can't have both. Take your choice. As for me, I'll choose a free, organic society over a rigid, artificial society any day.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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