Amityville: The Return

I am sitting around doing my own thing while other's questionable actions affect my life and I wonder how much of this fighting is worth it, and which decisions in my life need to made so I can very clearly protect those i care about, when i think the safest decision is to walk away even tho i do care about people in my life, I will not endanger them, even tho the risks were spelled out very early on in the decision making and i covered our asses legally, I'm not the one that has anything to fear.. the lives of innocents lie in the balance, and they've already taken everything precious from me... they will not do that to another, i don't care, that life of hell is not something i wish on anyone, my child, my nieces or nephew's or my friends children, i will fight and if i can't or am not allowed to fight i will walk away, i will not make another's lot in life worse just to make mine better. just because i am not ruled by my emotions and my fears doesn't mean i don't understand when others are.. i just have a thicker fucking skin, of course I've seen hell in the void and it's looks back and been afraid of me...

Current Mood: Depressed, Angry.
Current Music: Metallica - Wherever I May Roam

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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