Skip to main content

Dark Awakening

It is very clear this toy bullshit is Ending, and it's it is even more clear that i may be the one getting fucked over and getting the short end of the stick after losing quite a lot to the last year of this bullshit...I am fed up with it anyhow, it was at one point a neccasry evil but at this point decisions are being made to delibrately stab me in the back, and i don't like the icy feel of a cold knife behind me. this has never been the easiest experince for me and the rewards are no longer there, I am stick around for one more big pay day and then I am fucking done... i don't have the patience for a little egotistical man who only thinks about himself, I have enough of that type of personailty in my life without having to deal with one finacally for my livelyhood. it's not about the toys or the money anymore, it's about survival and pride and this fucking bullshit takes away from other things i could be doing... I am much happier hanging out in the summer sun trying to play guitar and find a few bucks than dealing with the wait on the stab in the back on this toy garbage. I have enough selfish people in my life I am forced to care about, I'm not about to care about someone who obviously doesn't care about and see's me only as a means to an end.. of course then agian, that's always been my attitude about this toy bullshit from the very beginning.

Current Mood: Annoyed.
Sometimes it is better to be known for one's enemies.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more