I don't know what my next step in this life is anymore, the thing that has held the demons at bay and been a distraction if not a worthwhile one is finally over and I find myself waxing nostalgic for something i have for the most part hated. nothing has fucking changed, I'm still sitting here waiting for the real things in my fucking life to change and they aren't. and now i have nothing to drive towards or anything to distract me from the fact that all i am doing with the rest of my life is playing a waiting a game.. I'm sure I'll find something to fill the void, but right now, I'm at peace during wartime and without something to occupy my time and occupy my mind i'm just sitting here, angry, depressed and brooding, waiting for the next chess move.. at least before I had something to distract me, Now all there is.. Is the War... and it's not fucking ending soon.
In two fucking days this blog will be ten years old and how much of that time have i spent fighting this never ending battle, how many times have i truly known fucking peace? i got two almost good years out my son's life.... the rest has been spent fighting, and for what? 3 years of interesting experiences that i never got to share with him to pay legal bills that lead nowhere, and a skeleton of a store that most of the good things have been fucking sold out of necessity to survive and pay said legal bills? I'm glad to be done of it, but i find it fucking sad that other than the collectibles and the cool things that i have managed to keep he will never have seen all the cool toys i once had, But everything neds and ending and this was mine.. There's no need to revisit Past glory's and I've always been a scorched earth policy type guy, I never look back, the one time i did it ended in tragedy, and i'm still dealing with her decisions.
Current Mood: Depressed, Angry, Brooding.
Current Music: Skid Row, The Threat
Whether beautiful or terrible, the past is always a ruin.
Some memories were all right, but others were dangerous.
Comments