Skip to main content

Infinite Warfare

War, they say, is the answer of those who have no arguments left.

I'm not going to listen to anyone give me a fucking lecture on what I should and should not do when I'm fucking starving to make sure I have cash for my kids counselling. It will be there, I don't give a damn how in the fuck I get to it, but if you aren't willing to do your fucking job and take care of your end if the deal, don't expect me to keep trying to get blood from a stone... I will always find a way, but that way usually ends up with me in deep debt and with no further uphill than I was before... This is a war of a attrition and it's a war if minor moves, but when someone supposedly on my side is telling me how and when to move... That's not going to go over when there's almost an outright refusal to do anything, and it's been like that for six fucking years, I can't continue to crap out every dime I have to fight this war if I don't have back up and if you're victories stand for nothing... What the fuck is the point? When no one backs my play and I end up with nothing, what's is it all worth? More and more I wonder if I'll ever see my child this side of his 18th birthday... And that hurts, but the war goes on.

People that are a nessicary evil in my life may not stay that way much longer. I should not be looking angrily in a rear view mirror wondering why my life is the way it is. That includes all the fucking agents of a corrupt family law system and the business that fuels them, I'm very disillusioned that I chose this field as my life path, because it's full of deceit and games, at least that's one thing I'm comfortable with when I go back to work, I expect to be stabbed in the back... It comes with the territory.

I am now at a point where i never expect this to end, it's all a series of chess moves to prove the other not the victor, it needs to be about more than that.. a young mans mental state lies in the balance, im sick of the family court industry being exactly what it is... im sick of this war, this final never ending battle, but i am not afraid to fight it, till my dying day or his 18th birthday whatever comes first... I may be fighting a losing battle, but i'm used to it, been doing so since the day i was made aware of his birth. never will he be ever able to say that i backed down or abandoned him, that was all his mothers doing...One day he will know that... I'm still here, standing and fighting for him, even if it costs me everything.

I will never back down, not from you not from anyone...

Current Mood: Determined
Current Music: Avenged Sevenfold,Nightmare

When the bombs fell, it wasn't a war; it was an obliteration. No one had any idea who shot first or why.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more