One of the greatest evils is the foolishness of a good man. For the giving man to withhold helping someone in order to first assure personal fortification is not selfish, but to elude needless self-destruction; martyrdom is only practical when the thought is to die, else a good man faces the consequence of digging a hole from which he cannot escape, and truly helps no one in the long run.
Maybe people haven't noticed lately, but I have no qualms and no regrets being the villain of there particular horror story, as long as my ethics are better than there's and I don't back down and I do what's right, I don't have any fucking guilt from others who care only about themselves when I walk the fuck away....I've never been anything but the bad guy in some peoples minds so I've adapted to that being my defining characteristic, I'd rather be your enemy than you're Freind the way that some people in my life have fucking treated me... And that goes double for anyone involved in the fucking system, it's a job, I want nothing more from it anymore... Give me 25 years and I'll either be dead or retire a happy man but I am under no illusions of making change or doing anything with my career anymore, my fucking option is just to be a square peg in a round hole and just make the job fit my needs now... And maybe help out one of two clients... But it's not about changing the world or even myself, it's just about survival, I won't sacrifice my ethics for anyone or anything, but I sure as hell don't give a fucking damn about doing anything more than drawing a pay check if and when I can go back to work..,
As for these fairweather friends who think they can take advantage time and time agian, my loyalty and politeness has a price and some people can no longer afford the toll. Fool me once Shame on you, fool me twice Shame on me... There will not be a third time. It's getting very apparent who I can count on and who I do not need to fucking bother with at all anymore, made even clearer by the last week in Windsor, I don't need people that are clearly just hangers on on my life, there are better things to do, I'm forty years old, I do not need people hanging off me that serve no purpose and when I need them are fucking ghosts. Done. Time to reevaluate priorities even if some people get left behind. Other things are more important. It's very clear what's important in my life and the people that quite frankly aren't.
I'm sick of freeloaders and fakes that think they can get something for nothing from me, I'd rather have an isolationist attitude than fucking deal with people who cry pauper every fucking time they have drama in their lives... I'm not taking care of others anymore. I'm fed up with doing so. It shouldn't take a fucking year to recover items or money from deadbeat assholes. It's very interesting at the end of the fucking day when you need help, whose actually there and who is the fucking albatross around the neck. I'm sick of so called friends freeloading off me and doing fucking favours and being patient. I have a war to fight, I have battles to fucking win. I'm fed up with white trash that takes advantage just because they think they can. It's not just one person either, it's a mentality of entitlement and I shouldn't have to beg for what belongs to me....from anyone, it's fuckin ridiculous that when I need some help only a select few have my back... And the rest play fucking games. I'm done with all that, If I have to have an isolationist attitude and say fuck it to some of these people in my life, I will. Some things take precedence over others. There are people that have my back at crunch time and those I respect but others I don't give a damn to have any time for. I'm getting really fucking fed up with people who's priorities are merely fucking lip service to my own. I do not like making plans and delaying for others to make it very fucking clear things are not important to them, that's why some people are not important to me.
I don't like the feeling that I have been used up and discarded when I no longer serve a purpose, but it seems lately too many times that's exactly what's been happening, which is fine with me, it's time to fucking close ranks and focus on me, and only what's important to me.... I'm done with other fucking people. Be in my life or don't fucking bother, I no longer care.
A lot of things in my life have reached an ending and a few more are reaching that point, but at least they are ending. I'm not happy completely that some things have ended but sometimes it's just time for things to end. And something's that should end go on forever, I can deal with that, but it would be nice one day to see an absolution. It's too bad I have come to the sad conclusion, that the day I see that, for my own mental state, I will see it alone. I'm not in a place to support anyone else, and worse yet, what I did have was under appreciated and I was discarded, that's fine, I'm used to it.... It's the exact same fucking story every time, it's my own stupidity for letting it constantly happen, but no more. I am done caring about people that don't care about me. It needs to be about me and my child now, no more endless distractions and other peoples selfish wants. Meanwhile at the end of the day I am left with nothing, it's time to change that.
Current Mood: Angry, feeling used.
You, sir, are not only a selfish asshole, but you're a coward. You didn't have the balls to stand and fight for what was yours, instead you chose to flee and force others into a fight that wasn't even theirs to begin with
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