Skip to main content

The Black Plague


I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm... becoming. But I know one thing for sure: you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

I spent four months locked in a cage last year. That's exactly what this fucking social isolation feels like. Prison. I do not like being in a box. It's even worse when the whole world is fucking shut down as a result of this. This is something that hasn't been seen in living memory but has been seen before in recorded history. This shit will change the world. I just hope it doesn't fucking change me too much. I can't see those I love... I can't see anyone.

....and then the other shoe drops and I am being tortured by an emotional child who has full control and power over my child. I don't want this... Any of this. I have someone else... I'm fucking happy. I'm me agian... I'm sick of the daggers in my back. You betrayed me... Over and over and over agian... You betrayed me.... No More. I'm done being hurt.. I'm done being angry... I'm just done. I don't look back... You live there I don't.  I'll move on.. I'm good at it. I won't give a single backwards glance. I quit.

You fucking destroyed me over and over agian... It's you're sick fantasies inflicting pain. It's a sort of revenge to you isn't it? I'm done one day he will know exactly what you have done and what you are. I am done with you. I'm fucking happy. Leave me the fuck alone.

No one gets to make me feel angry and fucking suicidal, least of all you.. I've moved on.. you haven't. That very clear. But there is no guilt and no atoning for imaginary sins...im fucking done. You don't exsist.

When I said I was done fighting and courts and all of that... It fucking included you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...
Post a Comment
Read more