Last Man Standing.

I am still standing, a decade after I should have fell and been broken. Even in silence and anger I have you're back and I will catch you when you fucking fall every fucking time.

Our biggest fucking problem is that I don't know how to back down, not to you, not to anyone. It's a strength but it makes whatever we are, whatever we were, whatever we are going to be difficult. I will always be here for you, but I will always stand my ground and I will never ever back down.

We've fought a war and ended up on the other side and these emotions remain. I walk away constantly but that's a bridge too far for you to cross. I'm you're albatross in life, I'm aware of that. But I still can't come to you, you have to come to me.

I am missing some of who I used to be, but some of who I used to be is an illusion and wishful thinking... but some of it was real and even tho we had to struggle, I think we were happier than we are now. I know that I was happier then. The weight of the world and the things I haven't done yet even tho I have tried weren't crushing my chest.

I know what my responsibilities are and where I stand with everyone in my life except for you. You come and go, that's where we are. I'm still here. Still waiting to catch you, but I have other priorities in my life as well and I am prioritizing them, the ones that have had my back when you didn't over the years deserve that. So much more than you ever did.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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