Skip to main content

The Hangover Part II


I don't need anyone but the ones that has alway have my back. It's interesting to see who says they are going to be there at the end and who truly fucking proves it. I know I have issues with alcohol, I don't argue that point it's why I only get completely stupid in moderation.


I had a good time and as usual I made memories that will last a fucking lifetime for someone who really matters in my life. And the biggest one wasn't even part of the weekend of drinking but it was definitely worth doing and I am hoping that the one that some days I claim to love above all others, and my son will be able to enjoy that experience soon for his 18th. We will see, I am growing colder and bitter on that front. But I don't need her vindication to have a good life, I never fucking have. I never fucking will. I enjoy my friends and my family and sometimes those lines blur. I'm just not going to be emotionally available anymore that doesn't have my back 100 percent.


I know I have a dark side, I know that it and alcohol are a bad mix. It's controlled. But I know that I'm a hard person to love and people fall behind so for The ones that have not, I appreciate that. The last year I have realized you can never look behind. 


I won't. Not anymore.


Sometimes I dwell in my darkness, sometimes, if there is a vodka bottle handy, I give into it, sometimes I glory in the fact that I am Terry fucking Funk, Middle Aged and Crazy. I know there are more days behind and less ahead. I am self destructive. I will have an sudden ending. But that day is not happening just yet so when the door opens I am going to enjoy myself and live.


I'm not going to sit and regret all the things I haven't done. I'm going to do everything and regret nothing. Good or bad.


I've lived. Not everyone truly does.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more