Skip to main content

King Nothing




Why you go for these guys that disrespect you and are no better than I am financially Frustrates me. I am miles and universes better than them and you fucking know it. I have lived in your world and I can handle it. And you like the fact that the worlds I live in you can understand. But when you tell me that you're with some asshole that doesn't respect you and meanwhile I am willing to sacrifice everything for you... it breaks me babe... it breaks me hard. Because I am trying...


...you don't want to know the day I stop trying.


The sad fact is there is a moment coming where I will take a step back and walk away... because the pain is too great to pretend that one day this broken shared shattered heart will ever mend. I think it's just trauma and damage from both of us and not maliciousness but I do think that one day I will just break and there will be nothing left, even to give to you. 


The fact I feel now the exact same way I did when you first left in 05, is not healthy for any of us. But this is you're exercise in control. You have to define us. But look in the earliest days of this journal, i was hurting then, I'm hurting now. And why, so you can play with shiny toys that will never be half the man I am...


Hell they aren't half the man that you've torn me down into being... I'm still better. I'm just disinterested in the assholes you've allowed to be around my son and hoping one day you wake up and find yourself in a better place and happy, with or without me.


But I'm not happy being the guy you run to when these assholes prove to be exactly what I expect them to be... none of them will be there for the long haul, none of them will love you forever. That's my job... only

My job...


...and you make me suffer for it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more