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Devil’s Calling.



I don’t do things half ways. I’m learning a lesson very quickly lately that I can’t do plans for someone I care about if there is another selfish person involved. There is a reason my usual dance partner isn’t coming to Windsor and it will be a long fucking time till I have the faith in him to bother with the convention circuit or anything that only interests him at his leisure. Do I enjoy my friends company? Yes? Do I like paying for things with the expectation things are returned in kind? Fuck No. and I’m carrying the bulk of that the last month.


It may be a long fucking while before I’m willing to do something like that again. It’s a respect thing and it’s the fact that I do things based on mutual respect when I can, and I can’t always but there is a pattern here of being taken advantage of and used as a fucking afterthought. I’m just fine doing my own thing. I have other freinds I can socialize with.


I don’t need the idiot with a silver spoon making false promises and fucking me and a person I care about around. ESP when things are being paid for. I have enough people in my life to feed me false promises. The fact that this is becoming a constant pattern? Yeah, nope. 


I completely understand how I rank on the level of importance. I just keep my word and am disappointed when someone I thought I was close to does not. But it’s starting to feel like I’m a fair weather friend.


I have enough of those.


The last few weeks have been frustrating and full of fucking bullshit as well as things I chose to sacrifice that I didn’t need to. So the fact that I get fucked around when I’m frustrated will have me reevaluate any relationships. I was always better on my own playing guitar on a street corner. At least that way my true freinds knew where to find me.


People that never had to worry about there next meal or not have a few bucks in there pocket don’t realize how hard it is. Some that are selfish when I’ve done something for them just make it easy to walk away. ESP when it’s something to do with making someone else’s life easier instead of making it more difficult when someone is doing something and there are health issues that require you being true to your word. But that would require respect, clearly you have none.


I make choices and I do have fun but it’s going to be a long fucking time  before I spend money on things to have someone say sorry dude, not this time, esp when it affects someone who I care about deeply.


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