Wizard of The Hood.

People and things change. This is a new adventure and I’m bound to make new freinds and enemies along the way. And old freinds and enemies are going to be jealous. That being said, do I look like I give a fuck? I have real world issues and concerns. This is something I’m doing for fun and to make things in this world a little easier for me. When the weight of the world is on your back, please come and cast the first stone…

But here’s one thing everyone needs to know. I don’t give a fuck. Beginning and end I do this to benefit me and only me. There is always a reason and always an agenda.

Period.

I don’t work for free and I don’t have the patience for false promises esp when I have things that are more important that playing dress up. It’s not about that. It’s about enjoying myself and doing things. And the person that I am tied at the hip with being able to do things….

Those I care about are just as important to me as myself. And screwing me for the things he enjoys is frustrating. I will stop doing for everyone period. He can’t do a lot of things. I’m depressed and angry as a result because this isn’t the first time he’s been fucked around on plans and money.

It will be the last time. I’m sick of doing for others and being taken advantage of. You don’t live behind the doors of my house and see how miserable it gets. If I’m reaching for escape what do you think my brother feels like trapped in a box?

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

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