Skip to main content

Mz. Hyde.



"You wanna get nuts?? Let's get nuts!"


I know that I'm Mentally unstable... but i am and have always been more put together mentally than you are. I don't need the Chaos and the pain that you're involvement in my life brings. I have enough inside my own head and inside my own life that i don't need to be waking up to Mz. Hyde at my side... always waiting for the next knife at my back...you've already placed enough there.


I shouldn't have to be hyper vigilant at this point about you, you abandoned me, just like everyone else in my life, multiple times... now that you know how it feels you keep me around as the ultimate back up plan... thats not how this works...


when you play the ultimate mind games again and again, i start to worry and wonder because you've used the nuclear option to destroy my life before.  I can't trust you, i Don't respect you or your life or your behaviour or your actions... it doesnt

matter how deep and buried those feeling and emotions that i do have for you are...


even if there was Love, and some days im still delusional enough to think there still is... I'm wrong however... its just a past metaphor for when there was love...


at this point there is no trust and no respect, and i think it goes both ways.... so regardless of any nostalgic love, and that's all its ever been a happy moment the last time our lives were normal..


there is no respect and there is no trust, there is no enduring relationship and you drop me in a moment and I ignore you unless you call... you once asked me why i never fought for you.. and the answer is easy and true, you never gave me a reason too...


...and now you are pushing me away again while trying to pull me closer into orbit...


One day ill just do the logical thing and run, but my life is permantley planted here for reasons that have nothing to do with you.. but if they weren't... i would be long gone... and you'd never ever fucking find me agian.


Trust me you have triggered my evil side, after a great weekend for my mental health and it can Eat you alive... I don't ever want you to see it again.... and only because of what I promised someone else... But trust me he's always there and always in my head... He wants out... please, please, Give Him a reason...


The Monster in my head is safely locked away, but there are days where he growls Let me the Fuck out, Some days the good soul I'm trying to be, I'm fighting so hard to be, just wants to let the other half out, and my dark side, the one I hide, My Jekyll ? He will eat you alive...


my dark side will always be stronger and more lethal than yours, thats why he's buried so deep... but its not a good day to find out why i keep him so deep within, at least the one thing i can say is that you didn't create that monster... you just keep the hunger of his anger fed for far too long...


i don't need you upsetting the delicate peace in my head when i'm finally at peace in my own Skin.


"Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more