Skip to main content

Psycho Crazy

 


I don't know where we stand. and i don't know if it's malicious, fairytale or just you trying to stay in orbit in my life for some strange reason, but when we are on the same page on some shit but so far away at the same time its odd that you would do a thing to change everything. I do things, and i do them in my own way... this is how my life has always been. sometimes the stars align and we are on the same page. sometimes not. 


our problem is there is no trust and no faith in each other. and as long as that exists and we don't we will never get off the ground. you cant have a relationship without understanding and trust. and while I'm willing to do one without question snd with open arms, the other was broken a long time ago and you're actions have still not changed enough for me to trust you. No trust no relationship regardless how much some days we both may want the security of it.


we cant subsist on old memories to go forward. those days are over the world has moved on. we've moved on. nothing from back then is the same even if it stands which most places don't. we aren't in 2000 anymore, we aren't children with the rest of out lives in front of us...


we have a child who is almost the age i was when we got together. that always has to be a consideration when we look at the next step from my perspective. i would never give him false hope after all this time just for it to fail. i keep you at arms length for a reason. its not to protect your emotions or my peace. 


its because he deserves better. he, not to mention us, is too old for an illusion anymore. I'm not going to rebuild our castle just to watch it crumble again when it doesn't work out.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...