Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

You want to fuck with me when all I ever did was ever try to fucking help you? I will make you’re fucking life hell. You have no idea what I have had to deal with in the last 5 years. Unhinged doesn’t even cover it.  You wanna fuck with this peace I have found I will fuck with you and you will fucking regret it. I have no fucking patience for people like you in my fucking life. And I will 100% make Sure that you are not part of my life.  You’re just another loser that fucking ripped me off that i distanced myself because of the fucking war. But don’t forget I voluntarily surrendered that war. Doesn’t make me any less of a soldier or a fighter, if you want a fight don’t anonymously poke the warrior, the fucking demon will come out. The demon doesn’t care. The demon knows all your secrets too. Once upon a time we used to be friends. I ate holiday dinners at your house. I can fucking destroy you with accusations too.  Too bad I’m not going to do it from a fucking computer. I’ll confront y

Please willingly put yourself in my crosshairs. I give zero fucking fucks if you decide that you want to be my enemy. It’s probably not a great place to be. I might be older, but I’m not obsolete. And while senses may have been dulled from inactivity I still know and remember enough to have you fucking destroyed remember.  So please fuck with me and those I care about. Hunting season starts today.  Deadnaming me was A very stupid idea. One I hate the name and two very few people know it. So I know exactly who the fuck you are. And I know the skeletons in your closet too.  So let’s have some fun. I may be at peace or at least trying to be it. And I’ve decided to forgive all old beefs but I haven’t forgotten them, and when pushed I can remind anyone that needs it how lethal a protector I can be. I wont fucking hesitate. You go after me and mine? I’ll make ashes out of yours. Everyone has secrets to keep. Mine have been laid bare and manner of public record. Lets see what happens if I dec

 I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

I am disappointed in our town. It’s plastic pathetic and fake. This wasn’t the place I grew up. It’s something else. It’s not about anything but corporate money and it’s a sad joke and commentary that it’s not even our own from the city visiting the core. It’s a tourist destination. You can tell the general lack of intelligence. It was on full display. It’s a problem that is just a microcosm of what’s going on in this country and those that would speak against it are too broken by there own personal issues to care anymore. I may be from here, but it’s never been called home. There is a reason for that. It’s getting easier to live in my own skin here now. But it’s not what it once was, and it didn’t become something better. If anything it became something worse. For the first time in my life I am ashamed to admit I grew up on James street north. And thats always been a point of personal pride. But I can understand how gentrification has destroyed what once was home.. and it’s just anoth

I dont care anymore, there is nothing to fight in my life anymore. No one cares and nothing but organized and controlled chaos on the street. I’m done fighting, I hung up my boots long ago. Theres nothing in this world to be angry enough to bother with. I just feel apathetic. Once upon a time I thought I was going to change the world and I wrote poems to that effect, and now I can’t even be bothered to hang amongst the humans of Hamilton for any longer than I have to. No wonder I lost weight and went pale this summer. I used to like the art stuff and being connected to it as a busker. But it’s just a reflection of what this country is becoming a and worst case, I don’t care. My younger version would have railed and spoke his mind on all this shit.. I would have rebelled. That’s all I was ever good for. Being the rebel.  Now I post on fucking instagram and remember my glory days when I was someone, and something. We all know how that Ended, multiple cities, multiple times.  Im not sure

We need to start over. I don’t know where, I don’t know how. I wont beg and I wont booed to ask you to be my wife. But I am here. You know where to find me and I will always be here. Some serious questions and thoughts have presented themselves this week, but i just want our beautiful moment, our lives have been wracked with enough trauma and pain. I just want to give you the thing I’ve always wanted you to have, you’re safe in my arms, you’ve always known that.    I know what my responsibilities are. And maybe it is time to start over. We have that option we have always had that option.  I will always do what’s right by you and our son. Even if it costs me personally. Thats not even a question. And I have my reasons for standing my my ground all these years. It’s just the rules of engagement have changed. We are in a better place now regardless of where we are.  It’s been five years since you sent those messages and we finally made peace. I should have chosen you then. Im sorry I didn

We will figure this out. Maybe not today, maybe not tommorow. Although tomorrow would be a nice surprise. It will come to us eventually. There has always been love. There will always be love. I know where I stand at the end so do you.  I do love my life and my adventures. But there will always be two somethings missing until we fix that. There is one more moment planned. Hopefully you don’t make me wait that long. I will always be here. I love you. Thats is unconditional. If you need me there I will be there. Period. I will always be beside you. I should have been beside you a lot more. Theres a lot of regret about those moments. I will be there if asked now. 

 I tried last night babe. I wanted to take you to that concert. As it was I was late for one of our songs. But it would have been nice to have you and My Son there. Whatever the outcome ever ends up being these days I’m glad that you were and are in my life.  There is no anger or anything anymore. Just peace in my life. A life I want to share with you more than anything. The time will come. Maybe it’s not today, but when and if you call I will pick up the phone. I always do.  There are days without anger and judgement and today is one of them. Im not there, not yet. I want to be on our corner, or maybe another place I’ve kissed you. But we aren’t there yet. Maybe Christmas, maybe next year. I have one promised day left and you have a few more before that that are maybes.  I really missed you last night during one of our albums. And I wish you and him had been there. I would have asked you. There was one of our perfect moments.  Next time, happy anniversary babe. I love you. I will alwa