If Darkness Had A Son.

I am that child. I am the biological son of darkness. I’m not sad he’s dead and gone. But the sons of the father should never have been bestowed on the son and I’ll be dammed if my son is painted with the same brush from a betrayer in his own maternal side of the family. I don’t mind going down. It’s part of my life. I fall, I rise I rebuild. I’m a fucking Phoenix, just ask my patronus. But he deserved better. He deserves better. I’ll spend the rest of my life playing this game with his mother if I have to do one day he has better.

But I’ll be damned if I let any one esp a family Member demean or destroy him. There are very few things in this world I will fall upon my sword for. Much less multiple times. This is one of them. I don’t mind being destroyed. I always come back better. Harder.

You might have destroyed her. I know all of this played a part in destroying me agian and agian. I will not let my darkness and the darkness in that family tree destroy him. I’ll go out in a blaze of bloody Fucking gory revenge first. With a smile on my face.

No one hurts her. No one gets to hurt my son. Not anymore. They deserve peace after all they have been thru. They deserve better.

Even if that better isn’t me.

That being said, I deserve to be treated better. I always have. I didn’t do anything wrong and I tried to do the right thing by you and as a single father. I was just dealt a bad hand in life.

I laid down my weapons agianst you a long time. I’m not going back to that war. But I didn’t do for you. Never for you.

I did it for him. I didn’t want the never ending war my life was. He deserves better.

Current Music: Crimfall, it’s a long road.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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