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Better Man.



Just because I’ll always be there for you doesn’t mean I have to like or enjoy whatever this is. A lot of the times I don’t like it. And I don’t even like you. But I love you both and I have responsibilities to you, and that trumps me being angry or upset with you.  We hurt, we are always going to hurt. 


You are jealous of everything I do. And everything both of us do is just another fucking move on the chess board. Except here’s the problem, I’m the rook and the knight and I move to protect my little king, but you are sitting there on the opposite side of the board waiting for Prince Charming to capture the queen.


Except I’m not wearing a white hat, you’ve made me the villain in your story, so I embrace it and become the villain. I’m always best when I’m wearing the black hat and being the bad guy.


But this isnt about me and you, it never has been, it’s about that little king, all grown up. I have to think about how my actions and behaviours affect him. That’s the priority. So I make my choices based on that. I have to.  I did the right thing, I will always do the right thing by my son. But you have no right to be angry that I have a social life outside of you. You aren’t part of that. You left being an active part of my life 20 years ago. 


I’m allowed to have friend’s. Just because I choose you first doesn’t mean I’m going to give up my support circle and the people I care about that have had my back for decades. 


Stay jealous. 


You always placed me last, until there was no one left, and now you want to fix the damage you created and everything that you took away. It’s been forgiven, does it fucking look like I ever forget anything?


Go find a better man, you’ve been trying to for two decades even though the best choice for you has always been me, but I wasn’t nice and shiny and new enough and I wasn’t part of your world enough to be that guy when i should have been. 


I wasn’t part of your world, that’s why you fell in love with me in the first place. Now you want to be part of my world, I’m not sure there is a place for you here. 


Go find a better man, instead. You wont find one. I’ve always been the better man. 

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