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Try.

 



I will always try. That is my nature. And the nature of my feelings. I am here. The only reason I am here is because of the two of you. I talked myself into not doing something that I should have done. Even if the answer would have been No. It was expected this year. I am no longer listening to the external voices in my head, I have enough trouble with the ones in my head.

I know how I feel and I know why I make these attempts. I shouldn't deviate from these patterns.

I tried. 

From now on, I do whatever I feel like doing and follow my fucking heart and not listen to others that have no emotional stake in the matter. This is my life and my heart and my family. Its where i need to be. Its who I need to be.

This trip was just about being here and close to you on christmas. That's all it ever is. That's why I come.

At christmas I try. Period.

You are both loved, always unconditionally.

I'm sorry I wasnt at table rock on the 25th. I should have been.

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