My Friend Of Misery

Everything is agian becoming very complicated, there are so many weird Xfactors with my carreer, my part time job to supplement my real job, my formerly supposed infatuation is creating havoc with her mental problems agian, Nikk, you picked a real winner there. nothing like someone wanting to sabotage your career directly. t's not like I ever tryed to do the same when i had the power and the vindictiveness to do so.. no i walk away to let her wallow in her own misery. i thought for once that you would be happy, but of course at this point nothing i do can make you anything but shallow,vindictive and angry. you deal with your own issues i have my own and other's to deal with that are unlike anything in your career and your spoiled old money port dalhousie Disney princess life. i can' belive with the population i deal with in my job that you are creating some of the same issues with our only child. of course there is a reason i am starting to seriously start thinking about joint custody and charging you with parental alienation. i am more in his life than a wallet and someone you continue to play mindgames with. there is no more emotional attachment why can't you understand that every time you attempt to draw me into confrontation? then agian your immature.
there is a reason that there was another girl before you that is way more important to me on a physical, spiritual and emotional level at this point. and she's untouchable too... but at least it gives me hope that there is more to life than my past and the unemotional piece of crap that is and always has treated as nothing more than a disposable sperm dollar and an Atm. whatever, that situtation in itself is both very enlightening and confusing... i wonder at this point where the future goes... at least when i'm speaking to her to her the hurt about the supposedly former infatuation goes away and doesn't hurt so much... even if i am apprehaensive about acting upon feelings and emotions with the other girl because it would complicate things for both of us... when the Thorold Experiment ended i said my last goodbyes to the possibilities of residing in Niagara. going back there now for any reason on a permanent basis would be a step backward.. even how much i care about a person or don't.

Misery
You insist that the weight of the world
Should be on your shoulders
Misery
Theres much more to life than what you see
My friend of misery
Current Mood: Miserable.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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