The Path Not Chosen.

It's been a frustrating morning. there are some serious questions which one must ask oneself about my supposed chosen career. I am not happy that i gave up this weekend to find out I was not needed, if it had been any other weekend than mother's day i would have had serious ethical issues about being asked to make myself availible this weekend. At least this way i can figure out what i'm doing about the new apartment but i'm still not impressed at the way i was treated about the weekend. whatever. I'm not in a place to say to say anything but there is a reason i am still seeking employment Full time elsewhere. I'm not even sure if I'd take full time here. I do not like the fact i'm second guessing myself and getting too involved emotionally with this place if i am merely a stop gap measure and i will not see any permanence here. I would like to be able to plan for my future and not be living week to week and pay cheque to paycheque as i have been, i'm starting to really consider the fact i'm not making much more than i was at subway and the stress levels involved, esp. when one makes a minor mistake when dealing with major incidents... but then agian thats the nature of the beast. Part of this self doubt is the fact that I have other carreer choices and maybe it's time to expand and consider them before i end up stuck in a place that is playing havoc with interpersonal realtionships important to me outside of work (i.e. my 5 year old son.), affecting my current Living arrangements... (if i don't know if i have a shift how do i decide to move.).. and all these other things that could or would cause burnout to happen, I honestly think this is the Job i am meant for but days like todday make it very easy for one to be disillusioned rather easily... espically when one is given reason to question his actions immediatly after an issue rather than given a little bit of time to deal with the situation and defuse. Of course shit happens.... you just have to deal with it, clean it up, and move on and remeber everything by keeping it in your back pocket.

Although the most acute judges of the witches and even the witches themselves, were convinced of the guilt of witchery, the guilt nevertheless was non-existent. It is thus with all guilt.

Current Mood: Pissed Off.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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