Skip to main content

Relapse.... Part two.


SO yeah.. interesting day yesterday.. the mindfuck continues, i am starting to understand how little i was fucked up in comparison... some of these things i am seeing and the issues i am having bleed thru my fingers when i clock out are confusing but relaistic.. this is exactly where i need to be, personal issues aside when i step between those doors, it's go time the red lighht is on and i'm on the spot. Time to man up and take it...there are things here i don't understand but i must try to.. i know that i'm a damn good worker but having these new experinces that i have never had to deal with before is an eyeopener. a lesser man would not be able to handle it... the world isn't a fair place.....

and another thing... anyone who wants to rant about how i kick back on my off hours and enjoy myself does not need to be part of my life... there are reason's i lose myself inside a bottle because otherwise i can't sleep some nights.. if you truly knew the demons i deal with and the demons that are piggybacking themselves onto me because i can't just leave work at the door you'd know the reason the insomnia is affecting me without the drink. i need to sleep. there are many things that i have to deal with now and it is a release. i can't just leave work at the fucking door and go home and pretend every thing is fucking hunky dory. i do not drink around my child or anyone i am resposnsible for or on a day i have to go back to work... i will recluse myself from that particular idea.. shit i don't drink till 3 pm, not a drop because i am afraid of being called in.

Current Mood: Frustrated
Current Music: Kick the Chair, Megadeth

I say what I want to say and do what I want to do. There's no in between. People will either love you for it or hate you for it.
Eminem

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more