Skip to main content

Nightmares.


This has not been the most interesting of weekends.. nor has it been easy.. where the hell do i start? the asshole landlord? the bullshit politics at work? or the child stealing ex whore who calls me up drunk is all lovey dovey pretending that things between us are kosher cuz she's loaded? sorry, that door closed five fucking years ago.. he's almost six already, i have long since closed the door, and while you're staring down a bottle you're getting nostaligic? what about the pain you have caused to me and him? we are not possesions subject to your fucking whim. it hurts when she pulls shit like that but whatever i get pissed off... i think it would have been funny had she not done it the minute i was walking out of a 14 hour shift at work, esp. when it was a positive but frustrating shift... i am a little sick of the nonsense politics at work, how the hell can i be taking others shifts when i am hardly getting any fucking shifts of my own? what a pile of horsecrap.. the usual mouths are resposonsible esp. the one who texts me this morning to make sure she's covered.. but i tire of the nonsense... i hear the same thing out of your mnouth bitching about others and i don't rattle it off to my supervisior. the weekend sucked.. i sat around doing paperwork and supervising groundings... i am really making a diffrence there... not. the only positive thing to come of the weekend was one of the boys got to go home for an overnight which is something i desperatley feel they all need... the place is not a prison a group home should never be a prison... and maybe.. possibly i can take them trick or treating with my little person, there's a million x factors around that one, but what else can i fucking do? i am not going to eat a shift or eat access with my little one. so anyways there's my rant about the important stuff... it's not like my dirtbag landlord even ranks these days.. i've kinda agreed to move out this month because if not i'm going to kick the shit out of him, i do not like the way he's treating me and the fact he has turned into everyone's favorite slumlord doesn't superise me, he seemed like a nice guy at first but the whole seellking of the house nonsense and the whole threatning crap that has been happening is not healthy for my housing needs. i told him last night i work at a place i get yelled at all day... if you are going to continue it counts as criminal harrassment and i will have you dealt with accordingly. i want out.. i will be getting a truck on the 30th. i will not pay 600$ a month to be disrespected like that.

Current Mood: Angry.

You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...