Queen Of The Reich II

Fucking amazing how you can be a total cunt on sunday and bitch and complain about child support on sunday and how you have bills and meanwhile i am giving you a full 1/3 of my paycheque this week and you can't be bothered to stay on the phone to give me the information, i don't expect you call tonight and i don't exp[ect the information in a hurry because it's not convenient for you, you Expect me to be at your disposal when you need something, yet when I am trying to do the right thing and drop money off to cuz let's see i'm near your bank, that would require intelligence, of course seeing how you have all but cut me out of my sons life except at assigned times i'm going to start rebelling, maybe i'll start making an appearance in st. Catherines once a week to take my son out, maybe i'll start being way more involved in his schooling (speaking of which wheres that report card?)as my court order allows me to do, maybe i'll discuss exactly what i should be paying with my lawyer and make sure things i pay for like beavers get done or you have to give me back the money for them when they are paid for, you make a fuck of a lot money than i do and to be bitching at me in front of my son about these things and then treat me like a fucking peon on the phone when its convenient for me to fucking hit the bank is disrespectful not only to me but also to our son, i dont give a fuck if your jealous about my new relationship, which is non existent anyways, but you dont know that.... its about him having a playmate and her daughter having a playmate around the same age.. but of course in your fucking glass princess castle none of that matters, no wonder you still have a revolving door on your house, no one is that insane to stand by you and your mind games, I tried but years of abuse and verbal confrontation have left me cold and there is no place in my heart or my mind for forgiveness, it's pretty fucking sad I am counting down the days till he is 18, he's wise beyond his years too, he knows your games, I just hope you don't do too much damage to his fragile psyche.

Current Mood: Pissed Off.
The 'not-giving-a-fuck' meter is as far into the red-zone as ever before.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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