Queen of the Reich.

you know that you are getting to a point in your life, when you decide that mindgames are enough and you need to deal with shit head on rather than being the silent partner and trusting someone who lies to you for her own agenda because she works for the school board and wants our child to be perfect, you are trying to control him the same way you tried to control me, and he has way too much of his father in him, its really interesting how you tell me to observe and think and try and figure out some strategies for our son, what i see is a child that is afriad to go to school because some kid is picking on him and breadboxing him everyday as well as constantly kicking him, but of course, dealing with that is secondary to making me miserable, you really want to keep me at arms length which is sad because im always going to be there, I wonder if you ever thought to notice, but he is my first born, and my only child, none of that matters to you tho, because he is a possession and when he doesnt act the way you expect you get angry, i will be taking a more active role with school and i will persue it legally if i have to... i dont think you liked the fact i said i will be coming in once a week to take him for a late snack or dinner once a week, i have nothing to hide Im transparent, of course a slut like you might have something to hide if i ended up in town after school once a week, you know a teacher might mention concerns about your behaviour, mental state, drug addictions, alcoholism, etc. i am really fucking glad that we are no longer together because whoever you thought you were back in 2000 you never were that person, this dark nasty and mean control freak you are now is always the person youve been, i was more of the free spirit back then and i let you control me and i didn't notice it as much but looking back I can definitely see it... you have a need to control everything and meanwhile i live only by my own rules and i am teaching my son the same without teaching him to question authority which he will do all on his own when he is old enough, esp. yours...but hes gonna grow up a free spirit just like me, i just hope you dont give him a shitload of emotional baggage like you have so freely given me. do you really hate me that fucking much...

Current Mood: Angry.
Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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