Emotional Vampires.

I am sick of dealing with two faced and illusory people in this fucking city... I need something and I need to deal with it now.. this is the worse hell I have ever been thru in a while, not knowing exactly where I'm going to be living in the next little while and having money in my pocket to deal with it but feeling like I'm Standing Fucking still...I need to keep going on with my life.. I need to fix a few things in my life but as long as I have distraction and am dealing with scam artists and slumlords that won't happen.. Windsor Is being very seriously considered, i have a home there and it's safe.. and I have options.. Only one thing holds me back and I wonder some days if the sacrifice will be completely worth it. But i have to hold onto Hope that it will be.. I am thinking in terms of friends as well I may end up being more selective in terms of the next move... I am sick of people In my life just being hanger's on and only being fair weather friends that agree to come help and then dissapear into wisps of air when I actually need them for something...
but that's life for ya... It's a Bitch.

Current Mood: Annoyed.
Choose what is right, not what is easy.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

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