DTA: Don't Trust Anyone

True friends stab you in the front.

I am finding that it it easier to go back to being a loner and angry and solitary in my solitude than to be a good person and be around certain friends and acquaintances that are only around because of what I can do or facilitate for them, none more so than one of my current friends who has lived off my earnings for the past few months and enjoys the spoils of my work more than anyone... you would think i would know better than to trust to someone who made it clear he was only a self interested man child and what he could acquire from me... i truly fucking hate this toy game.. and now with the situation of doing someone a favor who i only fucking met thru and giving him a place to stay until he decides to stab me in the back with no notice... fuck that noise.. i don't have time for it... cut my losses, broom him the fuck out of my life. I am so close to my goals and it's time to not have people like that in my life... i should surround myself only with people i trust and it was clear a month ago when some of my high ticket but small electronic items started to take a fucking walk that he was a thief as well.. anyways.. after tomorrow not my problem, I have real battles to fight... and a Final War to win... this asshole is simply meaningless and many like him. it's time to go back to being me and not being this social animal i have pretended to be to make up for the real gaps in my life... when i was alone i didn't have my possession's constantly missing and people thinking they can walk all over me after i did them a favor.. he's not the only offender, in fact there is a reason post the holiday i plan to walk away from the toy game but the fact i have responsibilities and they got fucked up financially by his decision to not be a Honorable man but instead a self centered person who only listen's to his mommy when she tells him what to do, you know what's fucking funny.. for months I've been arguing with the interior monolog in my head about what's right to do about him and my situation and my own mother's interest's as well as my own, after today those decision's are that much easier. you have to look out for you own, everyone else out there will betray you, some for no reason at all.

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: Silence When You Speak to Me, Motorhead

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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