DTA: Don't Trust Anyone

True friends stab you in the front.

I am finding that it it easier to go back to being a loner and angry and solitary in my solitude than to be a good person and be around certain friends and acquaintances that are only around because of what I can do or facilitate for them, none more so than one of my current friends who has lived off my earnings for the past few months and enjoys the spoils of my work more than anyone... you would think i would know better than to trust to someone who made it clear he was only a self interested man child and what he could acquire from me... i truly fucking hate this toy game.. and now with the situation of doing someone a favor who i only fucking met thru and giving him a place to stay until he decides to stab me in the back with no notice... fuck that noise.. i don't have time for it... cut my losses, broom him the fuck out of my life. I am so close to my goals and it's time to not have people like that in my life... i should surround myself only with people i trust and it was clear a month ago when some of my high ticket but small electronic items started to take a fucking walk that he was a thief as well.. anyways.. after tomorrow not my problem, I have real battles to fight... and a Final War to win... this asshole is simply meaningless and many like him. it's time to go back to being me and not being this social animal i have pretended to be to make up for the real gaps in my life... when i was alone i didn't have my possession's constantly missing and people thinking they can walk all over me after i did them a favor.. he's not the only offender, in fact there is a reason post the holiday i plan to walk away from the toy game but the fact i have responsibilities and they got fucked up financially by his decision to not be a Honorable man but instead a self centered person who only listen's to his mommy when she tells him what to do, you know what's fucking funny.. for months I've been arguing with the interior monolog in my head about what's right to do about him and my situation and my own mother's interest's as well as my own, after today those decision's are that much easier. you have to look out for you own, everyone else out there will betray you, some for no reason at all.

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: Silence When You Speak to Me, Motorhead

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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