Skip to main content

Remember....

They offered you a choice between the death of your principles and the death of your body. You said you'd rather die. You faced the fear of your own death, and you were calm and still.

I don't know whats worse, the fact that I am trying and failing to make sense of all of this or that the fact of the matter that i was more comfortable when i was fighting the goverment instead of just her? I am trying and failing to return to my old life and remebering who i used to be because all that seems to be left is the mask Of anger and vengeance that i wore and am still wearing to fight and protect that which is of upmost importance to me. There is nothing left except that, and the fact that I am slowly returning to old habits and trying to become the man i used to be before I was destroyed is proving more difficult than i ever thought it would be, No i was not expecting a happily ever after scenario before when the end of one battle came but I was expecting more... Not to be alone and still fighting and starving for every scrap of meat i can find... I have to go back to the person I was before and I don't think that will ever happen, I was scarred then to, but i had hope and faith in the human condition, now those feelings for the system are replaced by the hatred and the anger that was always there, but now bubbled to the surface with blistering heat... I don't know if i can bury it agian and be anywhere close to the person i used to be, I don't know if i want to be that person ever agian anyways...

Current Mood: Lost.
The ending is nearer than you think, and it is already written. All that we have left to choose is the correct moment to begin.

Comments

Anonymous said…
"Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole. I thank whatever gods may be, for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid. It matters not how straight the get, how charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. "

You'll find your way again.
11:51 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more