Till All Are Gone XI: One Shall Fall.

I've always thought of myself as a monster and acted accordingly.

This drawing to a close on this toy bullshit and While it has been a worthwhile endeavor it has also stripped the bones from my back. it has been fun but it has also been a huge pain in the ass full of politics, bullshit and thieves... there are ten days till this thing either pays off or falls flat on my face, a calculated risk I am more than willing to take.. but the plan is to end where I began with nothing... i don't want to continue paying for a locker that I don't care about, I am just waiting for the albatross to leave my neck, I don't harbor any regrets as It has provided for the last few years but there is a time and a place for it to end and the fact is, it's not a core or defining part of me.. it was just an interesting experience.. the decisions I have to make at this point is what I want to have and what I want to keep. I am seriously considering liquidating everything and only keeping a select few items... I have ten days, it's time for me to build towards finishing this game and having a profit for the first time In over three years, While I am glad i didn't walk away from the clusterfuck that was last year, this year there is one left past this and that's only If i don't completely clear all the important crap that's left behind.. i have real things in this life to focus on, and it's time to start doing that. I don't want to do the preparation and all the work involved in the next week and i expect to spend most of the next week just putting stuff in boxes and getting ready to close this chapter in my life.. for good.

Current Mood: Depressed.

I'd rather you all hate me for everything I am than love me for something I'm not.

Good conquers evil — It just takes a lifetime to see the final score.

I realise now that it will take time. That the road is long and shrouded in darkness. It is a road that will not always take me where I wish to go. But I will travel down it, nonetheless.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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