Me NO Bunny...Me Grimlock King...

It's kinda fucking cool that even tho my kid hasn't been able to enjoy the fruits of my labours the last few years other family members have, and good friends of mine have. I've been burnt and ripped off by more than a few, but I have some solid people that will stay as part of my life as a result. Little things like being asked for the dinosaur man mean everything to me on this holiday and make the pain go away for just a little while, and I'm glad these little things are things I can still do... And there will always be some left over to remind me that it was worth it, it will stand for something, it was a part of my life and I'm still here and still standing as a result, it wasn't all bad. Knowing that for all the fucking darkness it might have invited, that a little goodness has come out of it as well, it's a sobering thought and it does make me look back upon it with a little less regret. he will be home soon enough and there will always be things here for him, and things that stood for that last few years. it will fade into memory but not completely. It just sucks He doesn't have it now. that wasn't my decision.

Current Mood: Sad
Current Music: Cinderella - Nobody's Fool

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog