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Enemy.



I don't chase, I won't Persue. This whole last little bit of detente might have accomplished nothing except to ruin the little happiness that I had. I should never trust the same fire not to burn me twice, but somehow I got caught up in it again, esp. once my world once again came down crumbling on me, maybe it was too much to expect that that was anything authentic about it.  I don't trust anyone anymore, I don't care any more. That's the truth.

When I'm angry or in love I can write for days but when there is nothing, no emotion for anyone. Writers block. I am getting back to a point in my life where I no longer care about anyone because a certain individual that is the only constant in my adult life keeps playing games. I thought we had outgrew this and had an understanding. I guessed wrong. Thanks for nothing, I won't second guess the destruction you did with my last relationship, because I know the destruction you did with my entire life. Leopards don't change there spots. I won't change my attitude or my lack of trust ever. You've proven it. We are always going to be at odds. Which is sad and pathetic knowing whose at stake.

There was a moment I fucking questioned it, but only for a moment. It's too bad it felt like an eternity. I don't question anything anymore. I know where I stand. It's no longer between you and him. I've made peace with the fact that you won that battle. I stand apart. I have my own life. I'm not sure where it's going but I am following it down to its own destruction. I do not need any assistance from you, I can screw up all the good things that remain in my life without you... In fact I plan to.

You've proven yourself. Now all that's left is pain. Now all that's left is anger. If this moment was ever important to you, it isn't now.

There will be an ending. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow. But one day you're true intentions shall be revealed....

...and I'll still be standing here. Between you and him, always.

We may not be at war, but I haven't forgotten. You are still my Enemy. You're actions until the day you  prove otherwise make you that, regardless of al the pretty little bullshit promises that never come
True.

We have been playing this game for two decades. This started when I was 23. I never thought we would be playing the same game halfway thru our forties. Then agian, I never figured that you would destroy me, my life and my career the way you have. Or any of the tragedies in our life that we have shared.

I don't want to fight you anymore, I don't want to hate you. But I have to keep a guard up because every time I think I can trust you, even just a little... You prove I cannot.

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