Running To The Edge of The World.

I planned this moment for the last sixteen years, and because of the virus and you're fucking behaviours it didn't go as planned. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know the next step.

I'm not good at keeping contact with people. My tried and true response is to fucking run. I can isolate myself from anyone and walk away. For once I don't want to, for once I have to be here... And that's the moment you choose to fade away... It's all about you,it's always going to be about you, you're needs. Not mine. There's no illusions or questions there.

I just choose to try and fight agian, it's not like there is any else out there for me. You helped ruin that. It's not completely you're fault, but you did have a fucking hand in. Don't forgot that.

I don't know why I'm considering moving back to niagara... There's nothing left here, there's nothing left in Windsor. The only good memories that are left are the ones from the place that caused the most fucking pain. I just don't know what to think or do. Miss mindfuck has saw to that the last year. And there still are emotions, I'm not sure mine are there. But I'm not willing to constantly be played like a Ping pong ball.

I do know that the moments when I was most myself and most at peace were another lifetime ago. I didn't have the drama and bullshit that persists in my life in Hamilton I had in niagara. It was something more pure. I just had you and/or our son. It's worth some consideration going back to that. With or without you.

Every step since that has brought me pain. Some of which you caused. I mean what was the point of going to school when all it did as destroy me? I have nothing. I'm fine with that actually. At the end of the day we both know how I got here.

Some of the old emotion remains, but it is tempered by anger and hate. I have forgiven, I haven't forgotten. We need peace, especially if we are going to remain talking... But... I know exactly where I stand. I'm not against you, but my biggest interest is always going to be the well being of my son, and knowing that the both of you are safe. But I don't want to fight with you anymore, or against you.

So no more mind games... Or I'll fade the fuck away.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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