The long road home part II: Till death do us part.

I'm not sitting on our corner tonight either. Even though for the last nine months all I have done is drop hints that I would be. That's you're choice. You haven't given me a reason to there and I will only ever try this trick Once. You haven't earned it yet.

Then agian I always expected this to take years, our deal spans generations, that's very clear, 2 decades already of whatever the hell we are. One day there will be an endgame. Maybe one day I will go home but we still aren't there yet. That's on you, the doors open for when you want it.

Last year I had hope and patience and was expecting things to change. Now I know that things won't change until the moment you are ready, and yet somehow I'll still be standing here ready and waiting.

However the grandstand moves are done for a little while, I can't put effort into pipe dreams. I will wait but I will do the things in my life that make my life almost whole. Because the truth is without you, I am not complete... but I've learned to live with that fact.

There are other reasons blurring the lines too, but the reality is I am not fucking waiting forever either. I have set a timeline. It may be on you're terms but it will always be at the end my fucking decision and I'm not ready to make that yet.

Maybe one day we'll get back together, maybe one day we will fix this, maybe one day I can cone home...

...till then it's still a long road home.

The fact that I know exactly how you feel about me and that I know how you'd be affected if I was gone makes this day even more bittersweet.

If you fucking feel that way why do you always fucking push me away? Because it's a defence mechanism? Because you want to wait till a moment?

I don't know anymore and while you're predictable, I'm not. And maybe it's time for my actions regarding you to change.

For whatever the hell its supposed to be happy 21st anniversary babe.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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